I Did A Really Dumb Thing This Morning...

Coffee brewed on the stove must not have the same special powers that a cup of coffee out of the ole' pot does. I am so used to a morning routine. Get up at 5 am, wander about considering whether or not to set the alarm for 6 am, most likely do that very thing, wake up again at 6 , start making JOdy's lunch and breakfast. I am so used to getting my fave coffee mug down, putting sugar in it and then dumping an obscene amount of vanilla caramel powdered creamer on top, that this morning while I was mixing a big pitcher of Kool-Aid for the kids that I suffered a brain glitch and must have mistook the pitcher for my mug (how I wish I could drink 2 quarts of coffee without repercussions) and dumped vanilla caramel coffee creamer in with the Kool-Aid. It was....interesting....to say the least. The creamer clobbered on up to the top and I was left wondering if there was any other place for me to go but a mental health facility. I'll spare you and not post the recipe, okay????? Unless, of course you think you might like this sort of drink...

Old School Perks...

Well, it was bound to happen. After 10 great years together...it's over. My trusty coffee maker has...sniff...died. (What? You thought I was talking about my marriage for a second...didn't you? NOpe...he's still hanging around :) I can not describe the sense of loss I feel this morning... I got that coffee pot at Big Lots my senior year of high school in anticipation of flying the coop. It went with me everywhere I moved , stuck with me through thick and thin, good and bad times and it has pumped out thousands of cups of coffee...maybe hundred's of cups. Together we've made it through many early mornings. She's been faithful.

I knew it was coming. Last week I went to turn her on and...nothing. After praying (Hey, don't laugh...God wants us to take everything to him...right?) I flicked the switch several times and she roared (sorta) up. As the week progressed, it took more and more flicking. Well, this morning I went to fire her up , like so many other mornings before, anticipating another cup of coffee with vanilla caramel creamer. Flick. Nothing. Flick, Flick. Nothing. "COME ON GIRL...Perk for momma one more time." Flick. NOthing. Smack. "Oh, sorry girl, didn't mean it. It won't happen again." Flick, Flick,Flick, Flick , Flick, AARRRHGGGGGH, Flick , FLick, flick, flick. Nothing. Nada. Lifeless. Well, now what? Guess I'll go old school. So, I took out my filter with my Dollar General Knock-off Arabica inside, tied it with a twist tie and dropped it in a pan of boiling water.

Being the sentimental tight wad that I am, I probably won't go out and buy another coffee pot anytime soon. Oh how I will miss her "perkiness" in the mornings...

False Advertising!

I've been in the maternity ward of my local hospital three times. And all three times I have heard the "new baby" talk. No matter how many children you have, you still have to sit through it. They tell you how to diaper your baby, how to burp your baby, how to feed your baby, how to bathe your baby etc... But there are some things they don't tell you...
For instance...
They don't tell you that you'll never ever get a solid's night sleep again...ever. Even if your kids go away for the weekend, you'll still find yourself waking up in intervals all night and not being able to sleep past the time your kids are usually up and running.
They fail to mention that you'll never get to use the restroom in peace without
a. Being on exhibition
b. Your ears barraged with shouts and pounding on the door.
c. Seeing little fingers wiggling underneath the door.
It merely slipped their mind to tell you that you can never own a "new" piece of furniture again. Or that painting your walls will be a vain action for many years.
Would it have been too much to ask that they tell you you'll NEVER take more than 2 showers a week...maybe...but not likely?
It would have been nice to know that I would need experience as a waitress, short order cook, garbage man, plumber and a psychologist. A completion in anger management would be of use as well as having the patience of Job, eyes in the back of your head and more than one of you, if at all possible.
And how difficult would it have been to tell me I'd rarely have a conversation that didn't include the words "YOU DID WHAT?", "How many times do I have to tell you..." , "no, don't stick that up your nose", and "why are you eating that?"
They could have told me I'd rarely eat a hot meal without someone wanting to eat off my plate, that I'd never be a size 8 again, or that all that would have to happen in order for a shopping excursion to go off "without a hitch" is to arrive home with all my children and my checkbook.
Yep, they certainly don't tell you everything...I think I might have grounds to sue. But know what? I've never been so glad to have been duped in all my life!
Have a blessed day!

You Know It's Gonna Be One of Those Days When...

Your three year old son, who seemed to have potty training licked for good, comes running up to you and says "Mommy! I peed in your washing machine!" ...and he's proud of it!. Now, although I'm sure this will be very amusing down the road when I'm trying to weed out girlfriends, some things minorly bothered me aside from the obvious that the kid is marking his territory on my major appliances.
1. It wasn't the washing machine...that would have been better. It was actually the dryer that had a batch of clean, dry (well, were dry) clothes. Man! At least I could have run a cycle in the washing machine and be done with it...not biggie! But NOOOOOOO, my little overachiever goes all the way!
2. He doesn't know the differences between a washing machine and a dryer (Oh, Lord, where have I failed!!!!!!!!)
3. He thought it was a GOOD idea and one that I would be proud of him for.
Oh well, let's just pray this is not a repeat performance thing...

All Stitched Up!

Well, it was bound to happen to the little guy. I mean, it's only by a miracle of Almighty God that he made it 3 years before...an incident. Yep, little Goober's got 5 stitches. He slipped and hit the coffee table, gashing his eyelid open. I wasn't panicked by the injury as much as I was the prospect of taking my doctor-hating son to the emergency room. I can not stress to you enough how horrible an experience it is to take Jackson to the doctor. He panicked while we buckled him in the car, he panicked all the way to the hospital, he panicked in the parking lot, he panicked at the registration counter ,he panicked in the triage, and he panicked anytime anyone in scrubs looked his way. All this panicking BEFORE they had to restrain him by wrapping him in a sheet, like a little (did I mention, panicky?) king Tut and sew up his eyelid. We bribed and we shushed and we shushed and we bribed. But let me tell you, if you've never had to hold one of your children down while they scream at high decibels and thrash around in fear...you have yet to completely experience parenthood. Jody got a little too much experience, I think, when Jack lost complete bladder control and wet all over him! Man, I've been there...more times than I want to admit. It took one nurse to hold his head and both me and Jody to hold him still on the table. The doc was fabulously quick , however (I think maybe he sensed that my son is a whole different breed of patient, the kind that leave you wishing you'd been a lawyer.) He had a sense of humor, making some little joke about going to see the ear doctor the next day ( now that I think about it, he wasn't smiling when he said it...maybe he was serious.) I sure hope he doesn't sue us! Anyway, we were only at the hospital like and hour and a half which was a miracle within itself and the little goober got a dandy hospital bracelet, stickers, a popsicle , a Sprite and one of his small Christmas presents out of the deal. The kid racked up on the goods! It's a shame how a parent will grovel and carry on when trying to calm a doctor-phobe. Thanks to my brother in law Denny and parent's in law for being here at the house and staying with the girls. Much extra thanks to my mother in law who came over and stayed with me yesterday and risked her life to clean out my closets. She did a great job, even convincing my father in law to take my 12 or so totes of kids clothes to his house! She's very persuasive. She even let me go out...ALONE for a couple of hours. Praise the Lord for a mother in law who can turn drill sergent Nannie in a few seconds and whip these puny kids into shape! I only have one beef...she seemed dead set on leaving me with a basket of socks to sort and mate...oh well, beggers can't be choosy! Have a blessed, stitch free day!

Just One of Those Days...

Ever have em? My children are cranky and rowdy and looking for a fight...the housework seems endless...so much to do and seemingly not enough time to do it...I'm wondering if the Lord wasn't having an off day when he decided I was fit to be a mother (okay, I'm kidding on that one).
Still, as much as I want to yank every single hair out of my head this morning, I am reminded of something a man said to me in the grocery store a week or so back and my reply. See, so often we talk idealistically about our lives to others, yet we seem to forget we said those things later on when the heat is on. I'm sure I'm not the only mother of more than one child that gets this at the store. You're in the check out and your kids are doing what they do best...make a lousy first impression. Some well-meaning person says to you..."My! You sure do have your hands full!" I'm sorry...but I get SOOOOOO TIRED of hearing that. Some people aren't trying to be judgemental or mean, but others , you can just hear the disdain in their voices. Wondering why anyone would want to have that many kids, even if all you have is 2. One such man asked me this question on one of those days when I was poised to talk back and in a pretty good mood . "You sure do have your hands full!" "Yep."was my sophisticated reply. "It's better than having empty hands." He didn't say anything else to me...just smiled that smile people give you when they think you're nuts.
Today, I am reminded of those words that came out of my mouth. It was easy to say it then, but hard to keep it in mind on a day like today when everything is chaotic and I just want to find a dark closet and shut myself in for a couple of hours! But I have to admit...I prefer my hands to be full. I am aware of how quiet my life would be without them. And for all their bad days and bad habits, they have just as many good days and good habits sometimes as well. I just tend to focus only on the bad ones I suppose. I am keenly aware that if I'd focus more on those times they are doing the good, that the bad things and bad days stay in better perspective. The perspective of the verse in Psalms 127 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." My children...a reward? Whatever contest I won, I'm not entering again :) All kidding aside, it's the truth. I'd be part empty without my children. They are such a part of me and my life, such a chunk of what the Lord has in store for me, I can't and refuse to imagine life without them ever being in it. Even if they are gone tommorrow, I am better because they have been in my life. Thank You Lord for these little monsters!

Help! My Baby Is a ... CHOCAHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask anyone and they'll tell you, I'd rather eat chocolate than anything else most of the time. They also say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

HMMMMM? Chloe's been awful quiet, I wonder what she's doing? I think I'll take a peek... Gosh, it's kinda dark in there...What's this?

She's fiddling with something that looks an awful lot like an 8 pack of Reese's cups. I better go in for a closer look...
SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE SO BUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANYONE KNOW ANY SUPPORT GROUPS?????

What Do You Mean No Pictures!

I know, I know! I promise I've not lost it! The picture Junkie was on a wonderfully productive nature walk with her children and caught a glimpse of Goober Boy standing in the sunlight on the shore. She took a breath and just knew it would be a great black and white for the mantle at home. So she draws her trusty camera from her backpack and flips the on switch. Nothing...no lights...no...nothing. She screams inside from frustration! She flips the switch off, then on again. Blasted thing's batteries are dead. Picture Junkie NEVER is without back up batteries...that is until today.
I kicked myself the whole time and almost let it ruin the excursion! The kids collected little shells on the shore and we sketched some. We wiggled our toes in the water. Correction, Lillie and I wiggled our toes (cause we are ladies...you know). Jackson refused to take his boots off and just stuck them in. Chloe, always the overachiever, sat down in the water. By the way, people who say the cheapy diapers aren't as absorbant as others...ya'll are just missin' out! That Dollar General Market Diaper just about dried up the lake! Well, at least it seemed like it did. Well, we went to the playground and Chloe ate some sand. After that, I took the kids to blow their allowance. For about a month Lillie has been doing dishes and mopping the kitchen floor and Jack has been feeding and watering Tucker, so I've given them stickers that are worth 25 cents a piece. I may have to lower that rate, as they are bleedin' my wallet dry! Lillie had $5.00 and has been wanting a pink backpack at the Dollar store. It was $5.00 exactly about a month ago. Well, imagine her excitement to find out it was on sale for $3.50 and she had enough money for a candy bar and a princess pen and paper set! Jack had $2.00 and he, of course, bought two Hot Wheels cars and a Tootsie Roll, which he reluctantly had to share with Chloe! It was so neat to see their faces . Especially Lillie who had been looking forward to getting the backpack and worked hard. And to see that her hardwork paid off made her happy! In fact, she has not taken it off and it's been about 3 hours! I'm gonna try my bestest to work in the basics today in school and get the back bedroom organized into a school area. It's just too cramped in the dining room and I hate that it always looks junky in there while we're in session.
Have a great day!

Wooooo-hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

He's Quite the Catch Ladies! At least in 20 years or so...

Just a post that goes to show that kids do say the funniest and strangest things. I was in the midst of my usual lecture this morning to the children concerning what sort of folks they want to be. Our memory verse for this week is Proverbs 20:11 "Even a child is known by his doings..."

I was trying to tell them that our actions display what kind of people we are. "Do you want to be known as the mean, hateful little boy nobody wants to play with?" I asked Jackson, really fearing his answer. He was speechless. I asked Anna, "What sort of a person do you want to be when you grow up?" She said she wanted to get married and cook supper! Good answer! I then asked Jackson the same question. He thought for a moment and then said "I want to get married and eat cheesburgers all the time!" Well, go ahead and sign your daughters up on the waiting list ladies! He'll be availiable in 20 or so years! Of course Jody and I might actually have to save up some sort of dowry , you know, go Old Testament! Issuing a no return policy might not be such a bad idea either!

11th Most Dangerous Job...

Okay, so I found a list of the top ten dangerous jobs in America . Now I agreed with the majority of the jobs on the list. Logger, no doubt, wouldn't want to do that job. Big trees fallin' on you, not pleasant. Airplane Pilot? Forget it, not without a concealed carry permit.Seriously. But where was motherhood!? I mean, there may not be as many fatalities as other occupations, but I know I've got more stress than a taxi driver or a chaffeur! Wait! I Am a chaffeur! My children are...an experience (that's as kind as I can put it.)when driving around town. Jackson loves to scream 'Go Mommy!" at red lights when I'm not really paying attention. If we're going to , say, the library, and I decide to take an alternate route, they freak out and little Miss GPS in the back row starts saying "Mom, you needed to turn left back there." Chloe senses when we are almost to the grocery store and launches into full scale fit throwin' which puts me in the running for a fender bender.
Number 5 on the list was a Garbage Collector! Need I say anymore? I collect garbage all day. But does a garbage collector have people come and grab stuff out of his truck and strew it all over the road?
My job is very dangerous and stressful. If I need to make an important phone call, and my kids are awake, I have to hide in closets risking head injury because my closets are a fire hazard. Housebreaking a 3 year old ! I'm screaming right now inside! My nagging gland is worn out! I almost passed out the other day blowing on some hot pizza rolls at lunch! I have a repetitive motion injury in my wrist from diaper changing and nose wiping! A nervous twitch when I take them out in public and my tear ducts go nutsy when I think about them growing up!
In conclusion, I would like someone to recognize us mothers for our dedication in the face of danger everyday! It's a battle out there, man! I'm outnumbered by children every day. But, I wouldn't trade my dangerous job for anything in this world! I'm just gonna add a bullet-proof panel to my apron and truck on!

Why I've Decided to Plant an Apple Orchard...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, that's why! Oh, the day I have dreaded all year arrived yesterday. I awoke that morning, wiping the sleep from my eyes, stretched and thanked my Lord for another day. Then I realized what lay ahead, and I thought about taking that last bit back...
Yes, it's check-up day! First, I must confess that I've never been one to rush my kids off to the doctor. In fact, I don't like doctors appointments myself. I 'd rather chew off my own arm as to go. But, I feel I have done my children a disservice because they are petrified of the doctors office! I mean, padded wall petrified. Straight jacket petrified. Circus clown petrified! Jackson worse so than Lillie.
Poor Jack. He has refused to take the thermometer under the tongue the last couple of times he's had to go, and the alternative is none too pleasant. So, yesterday morning, we practiced using a thermometer. Now, that was sad. A good thirty minutes I spent sticking it in his mouth and just when I considered trying to round up a small sedative, he did it, without screaming! I was feeling pretty good. Left Chloe with Jody and, since she screams anytime you put her down, I thought I was going to have it easy compared to him.
The kids went bonkers in the waiting room, I suppose from nerves. And I had a stack of paperwork to fill out that made me mourn the loss of thousands of trees. Finally, the moment of truth.
Lillie did fine. Stepped on the scale, took the thermometer, smiled and told Jack he was acting like a big baby. And did my little guy take the thermometer calmly? Not really. He freaked out as usual. Well, so we got back to the little room and Lillie again did fine with her vitals. Jack's blood pressure was unusually high, for some odd reason, so they had to take it again later. Jack screamed everytime someone came near him. And when he wasn't screaming , he and Lillie were running bonkers around the exam room. Next, the nurse handed me two little hospital gowns.
Jack took a look at the gown, then the nurse, then me and asked, "Is this a dress?" "No, it's a gown, honey. You need to put it on." He looks at the gown, then the nurse, then me, "Uh, I'm not wearing a dress. I'm a boy, boys don't wear dresses." "Honey, it's a ... you know what , just put it on." He did, but he didn't like it. Kept on muttering about having to wear a dress.
Well, their doctor is male, so they calmed down considerably and Jack did okay, Lillie did fine.
"Well, they look good, Mrs. Davis. Now, it looks like Lillie needs a hemoglobin (that's fancy talk for stabbing your finger) and is due for 5 shots and looks like Jackson needs 3." Then he leaves and lets the sweet nurse do his evil bidding.
I swallow...hard. "Do you perhaps have any sedatives?" I ask the nurse as she comes in. She laughs. She doesn't get it. "NO...I'm serious. Do you?" She still thinks I'm kidding.
Lillie immediately melts down. Hunches down in a corner screaming "NO NO NO Don't do it! OH NO Please!" I smile at the nurse. I can since now the panic in her eyes. She has no idea.
I had to hold Lillie down on the table. She screamed and almost threw up because she gagged on her own spit. The nurse was flying through the shots. Jack was in the corner now, screaming and launching into full scale panic. I had to hold him down. He is ALOT stronger than I am. And I laid on top of him and covered his mouth, all while singing "Amazing Grace". When it was over, I looked up at the nurse, both of us sweating and flushed. "Bet you get this alot." I say. She looks at me and smiles a weak little smile. "No, not really." I wouldn't be surprised if that twenty something nurse slips into early retirement.
Before she left, she reviewed all the info she had gathered and said, "Lillie's getting at that age when taking care of her teeth is important. Have you taken her to the dentist yet?"
I smile. "What do you think?"