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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

From the Archives: False Advertising...

I've been in the maternity ward of my local hospital three times. And all three times I have heard the "new baby" talk. No matter how many children you have, you still have to sit through it. They tell you how to diaper your baby, how to burp your baby, how to feed your baby, how to bathe your baby etc... But there are some things they don't tell you...
For instance...
They don't tell you that you'll never ever get a solid's night sleep again...ever. Even if your kids go away for the weekend, you'll still find yourself waking up in intervals all night and not being able to sleep past the time your kids are usually up and running.
They fail to mention that you'll never get to use the restroom in peace without
a. Being on exhibition
b. Your ears barraged with shouts and pounding on the door.
c. Seeing little fingers wiggling underneath the door.
It merely slipped their mind to tell you that you can never own a "new" piece of furniture again. Or that painting your walls will be a vain action for many years.
Would it have been too much to ask that they tell you you'll NEVER take more than 2 showers a week...maybe...but not likely?
It would have been nice to know that I would need experience as a waitress, short order cook, garbage man, plumber and a psychologist. A completion in anger management would be of use as well as having the patience of Job, eyes in the back of your head and more than one of you, if at all possible.
And how difficult would it have been to tell me I'd rarely have a conversation that didn't include the words "YOU DID WHAT?", "How many times do I have to tell you..." , "no, don't stick that up your nose", and "why are you eating that?"
They could have told me I'd rarely eat a hot meal without someone wanting to eat off my plate, that I'd never be a size 8 again, or that all that would have to happen in order for a shopping excursion to go off "without a hitch" is to arrive home with all my children and my checkbook.
Yep, they certainly don't tell you everything...I think I might have grounds to sue. But know what? I've never been so glad to have been duped in all my life!
Have a blessed day!


  1. Know what you mean...I mean you would think when you told them this was your 3rd child or you had three they would be like oh your a pro but oh no..I just look at them and they sound like the teacher on charlie brown..wawawawawwawa!

  2. I'm not an advocate of lying , except when it's to the nutritionist at the Health Department...